Unfair: The follow up

Be sure you've read last night's blog,"Unfair", for a little background. 

As I was thinking of all of yesterday's events in the wee hours of the morning, God brought to mind the kids and myself. I thought about how they act when something I do seems totally unfair...to them. (Yelling, fit throwing, "meanie mommy", "I hate you". The works!) I remembered what my husband said to me after our daughter had one of her little sessions yesterday afternoon. "She will apologize later and restore." We know she doesn't really mean the things she's saying, she really loves us, she ultimately knows we're good, but she doesn't think what we're asking of her right then is fair. And she trusts that we are strong enough for her to be able to melt all the way down in the moment and still be emotionally available later to restore relationship. 

That totally made me realize 1. I'm so glad we don't spank or punish the kids when they say those things even though it really hurts to hear. 2. It helped me not to take it so personal. I mean here's the perfect God and I'm sad/upset and feeling like he's unfair. Yet He's not shaken by that. He knows his own goodness. Yes, He wants me to ultimately put my trust and faith in what I know instead of feel but He also wants me to tell him all about how I feel, to let it all out so we can restore, so he can remind me that He IS good.

Unfair

Laying in bed, late at night and unable to sleep. The sadness I have been tucking away in a closet somewhere in my heart has finally pushed it's way out. 

I can't make sense of it all and I'm drowning in the questions. Why must we struggle? Why do bad things happen to good people? I realize I have been mad at God for a little while now. Don't be shocked. You know you do it too. Yes, you, good Christian person. 

I look at my own struggles as of late, pitiful in comparison to the tragic grief a friend is experiencing but here they are none the less. 

I've been angry and frustrated at the difficulty I face as a pregnant, emotional, tired and cumbersome woman who is nearing the wonderfully awful time of laboring a child onto earth... for the 9th time. I have it in my head I should be exempt from all this inconvenience. The raging hormones, aching hips, tired feet, the mood swings and tears and most of all the intense process of pain that you know is looming ahead. Not to mention on a daily basis, whenever some minor inconvenience arises, I say to God "Mothers should not have to face this kind of stuff! It just shouldn't have to be this hard" We go through enough just mothering. Any computer difficulties, car troubles, home management "projects" just seem cruel and unfair. And THAT'S how I've been seeing God lately. Unfair. Today didn't help that really. I don't see how or why a tiny child of 8 weeks had to leave this earth, to leave her family. The ultimate unfairness to any mother.

And I don't have some really great "turned my attitude around story" right now. I'm still struggling. I KNOW God is good. I know that this is about MY inability to have His eyes in these situations. 

I guess I'll end with: How do YOU deal with this? How do you process grief and God? Or your anger toward him? Where do you take on attitudes of unfairness and harbor that against Him? Or do you see God as too Holy to even think about doing so?