Unfair

Laying in bed, late at night and unable to sleep. The sadness I have been tucking away in a closet somewhere in my heart has finally pushed it's way out. 

I can't make sense of it all and I'm drowning in the questions. Why must we struggle? Why do bad things happen to good people? I realize I have been mad at God for a little while now. Don't be shocked. You know you do it too. Yes, you, good Christian person. 

I look at my own struggles as of late, pitiful in comparison to the tragic grief a friend is experiencing but here they are none the less. 

I've been angry and frustrated at the difficulty I face as a pregnant, emotional, tired and cumbersome woman who is nearing the wonderfully awful time of laboring a child onto earth... for the 9th time. I have it in my head I should be exempt from all this inconvenience. The raging hormones, aching hips, tired feet, the mood swings and tears and most of all the intense process of pain that you know is looming ahead. Not to mention on a daily basis, whenever some minor inconvenience arises, I say to God "Mothers should not have to face this kind of stuff! It just shouldn't have to be this hard" We go through enough just mothering. Any computer difficulties, car troubles, home management "projects" just seem cruel and unfair. And THAT'S how I've been seeing God lately. Unfair. Today didn't help that really. I don't see how or why a tiny child of 8 weeks had to leave this earth, to leave her family. The ultimate unfairness to any mother.

And I don't have some really great "turned my attitude around story" right now. I'm still struggling. I KNOW God is good. I know that this is about MY inability to have His eyes in these situations. 

I guess I'll end with: How do YOU deal with this? How do you process grief and God? Or your anger toward him? Where do you take on attitudes of unfairness and harbor that against Him? Or do you see God as too Holy to even think about doing so?