Pearls for Pearls

Matthew 13:45-46
45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.

    My Dad preached a sermon one time [back when he was a preacher, he's a shepherd now :)] about the Parable of the Pearl of Great price. This merchant the Bible speaks of was probably a pearl collector and had many valuable pearls. He was searching for this one pearl and sold his whole collection of valuable pearls when he found it and was left with ONE great pearl. In life we have many things we value: money, possessions, knowledge, wisdom, skills etc. Sometimes if we want that Pearl of Great Price, we must "sell" the other pearls.
    There have been times in the past God has called this to my mind and I have traded in my pearls. I was a few years or so back that I had a job outside the home. I began to feel the tugging of the Lord that it was time to give up the job and commit myself fully to my family and my children. It was tough!! That job was a pearl! I flourished there and it didn't even feel like a job. I was so fulfilled with the praise I received on a daily basis. I loved the extra money and let's face it, the time away from my little angel children was… nice. HA! I remember one night literally looking up towards my Father and telling Him I was giving Him that pearl and believing as I did that my husband, children and home would be blessed and flourish and would be my Pearl of Great Price. Oh By the way, my constant praise is now replaced with "I don't like you" from the 3 year old and "Mean Mommy" stuck in repeat mode on the lips of them all! It's a pearl of great price, what can I say?
    So it hit me just recently that I am going through this again! (Thanks God). This time it's not been as simple as "giving" my pearls away. Here's the thing. I had this thought the other night that I am increasingly becoming a terrible housekeeper, cook, grocery shopper, organizer, meal planner etc. I can't seem to get any of that stuff together. In the moment of that epiphany, I heard Him whisper "But you're becoming a better mother". *tears* Yes! Of course this is not easy! Once again I am surrendering what I thought identified me as a "good" mother and wife. The ability to do it all. Do it over the top. Keep everything running smoothly and orderly including my children. They fell right in with laundry and making dinner. Just another "to do" item to be checked off. I am learning to let the house be, let others help, and just sit and be present fully in my mind and body with my children. And I am learning to smile at them. To accept them as children, respect them as humans and guide them gently. I'm no longer demanding they modify their behavior to make me look good (well let's be honest… this IS a process for ME and old habits die hard. But again I recognize my success at parenting is not defined by my children's behavior). After all am I not a sinful child of the Most Perfect Parent? I'm trading those "amazing clean house pearls" and "efficiently managed pearls" for the "loving the children pearl".
    This brings me to the last Pearl of Wisdom I'm working on. I have embraced so many wrong views of parenting in the name of Christianity. I started off motherhood thinking I had a pretty good idea of what a good Christian parent looked like. It included lots of "training" and punishing. Of course none of this was a problem with me for the longest time for three reasons. 1. It worked! I enjoyed the way success looked: sleep trained baby, first time obedience, early independence etc. It was perfect! 2. My baby/child "adapted" quickly to it but it became more evident as they grew older that they were less "adaptable" and conflict and disconnect grew exponentially with age 3. My view of God was much the same. Legalistic, first time obedience, disconnected. I had achieved success, life was good, it ran smoothly and my children fit into MY life. Enter: GRACE. If you know me well, you know I struggle with this thing called Grace. I'll have to leave my grace topic for another blog (in the near future) but basally it changed my view of God first and as of the last couple years caused me to struggle with the disconnect between how grace flows from the Father to me (which is pretty easy to understand once you accept it) but the gets lost in translation from Mommy and Daddy to our children and looks nothing like from the Father to us. Again I'll explain more of this paradigm shift, which is still in process, but I have begun to see how He has walked me through giving up pieces of a parenting style that I thought to be a worthy pearl to being able to embrace this gentle, connected parenting. I am constantly having to choose to let go of things that are so ingrained in me and I am finding that these unanswered questions I've asked God about for years are finally being replaced with The Pearl and if the struggle I have gone through is ANY indication, it's of Great Price!