Matthew 13:45-46
45 “Again, the kingdom of heaven is like a merchant seeking beautiful pearls, 46 who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had and bought it.
My Dad preached a sermon one time [back when he was a preacher, he's a shepherd now :)] about the Parable of the Pearl of Great price. This merchant the Bible speaks of was probably a pearl collector and had many valuable pearls. He was searching for this one pearl and sold his whole collection of valuable pearls when he found it and was left with ONE great pearl. In life we have many things we value: money, possessions, knowledge, wisdom, skills etc. Sometimes if we want that Pearl of Great Price, we must "sell" the other pearls.
There have been times in the past God has called this to my mind and I have traded in my pearls. I was a few years or so back that I had a job outside the home. I began to feel the tugging of the Lord that it was time to give up the job and commit myself fully to my family and my children. It was tough!! That job was a pearl! I flourished there and it didn't even feel like a job. I was so fulfilled with the praise I received on a daily basis. I loved the extra money and let's face it, the time away from my little angel children was… nice. HA! I remember one night literally looking up towards my Father and telling Him I was giving Him that pearl and believing as I did that my husband, children and home would be blessed and flourish and would be my Pearl of Great Price. Oh By the way, my constant praise is now replaced with "I don't like you" from the 3 year old and "Mean Mommy" stuck in repeat mode on the lips of them all! It's a pearl of great price, what can I say?
So it hit me just recently that I am going through this again! (Thanks God). This time it's not been as simple as "giving" my pearls away. Here's the thing. I had this thought the other night that I am increasingly becoming a terrible housekeeper, cook, grocery shopper, organizer, meal planner etc. I can't seem to get any of that stuff together. In the moment of that epiphany, I heard Him whisper "But you're becoming a better mother". *tears* Yes! Of course this is not easy! Once again I am surrendering what I thought identified me as a "good" mother and wife. The ability to do it all. Do it over the top. Keep everything running smoothly and orderly including my children. They fell right in with laundry and making dinner. Just another "to do" item to be checked off. I am learning to let the house be, let others help, and just sit and be present fully in my mind and body with my children. And I am learning to smile at them. To accept them as children, respect them as humans and guide them gently. I'm no longer demanding they modify their behavior to make me look good (well let's be honest… this IS a process for ME and old habits die hard. But again I recognize my success at parenting is not defined by my children's behavior). After all am I not a sinful child of the Most Perfect Parent? I'm trading those "amazing clean house pearls" and "efficiently managed pearls" for the "loving the children pearl".
This brings me to the last Pearl of Wisdom I'm working on. I have embraced so many wrong views of parenting in the name of Christianity. I started off motherhood thinking I had a pretty good idea of what a good Christian parent looked like. It included lots of "training" and punishing. Of course none of this was a problem with me for the longest time for three reasons. 1. It worked! I enjoyed the way success looked: sleep trained baby, first time obedience, early independence etc. It was perfect! 2. My baby/child "adapted" quickly to it but it became more evident as they grew older that they were less "adaptable" and conflict and disconnect grew exponentially with age 3. My view of God was much the same. Legalistic, first time obedience, disconnected. I had achieved success, life was good, it ran smoothly and my children fit into MY life. Enter: GRACE. If you know me well, you know I struggle with this thing called Grace. I'll have to leave my grace topic for another blog (in the near future) but basally it changed my view of God first and as of the last couple years caused me to struggle with the disconnect between how grace flows from the Father to me (which is pretty easy to understand once you accept it) but the gets lost in translation from Mommy and Daddy to our children and looks nothing like from the Father to us. Again I'll explain more of this paradigm shift, which is still in process, but I have begun to see how He has walked me through giving up pieces of a parenting style that I thought to be a worthy pearl to being able to embrace this gentle, connected parenting. I am constantly having to choose to let go of things that are so ingrained in me and I am finding that these unanswered questions I've asked God about for years are finally being replaced with The Pearl and if the struggle I have gone through is ANY indication, it's of Great Price!
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Beginnings
Our Story:
If you asked me 10 years ago where I saw myself in 10 years I would have said, "I'll be a wife and a mom". Now I did NOT know I'd be a mom to 8 kids! Not one of my children have ever been planned directly by us but every one including the little one I lost, have all been a part of God's design for our life. Our family started younger than most ( I was 20, Antoine 22). Shortly after the birth of our beautiful first born Demetrious we learned there was another on the way. That precious little one had no more than a couple months of life inside me before taking up home in heaven. Of course the whole thing was a bit shocking. I knew I wanted another and apparently my body desired it faster than even my mind and the next month we conceived! That little lost baby began to shape our family without anyone realizing. What a grand fulfillment of his or her life. What power his few weeks of life had!!
5 years into our marriage and we were falling apart. In regards to our children I held onto guilt and shame and my heart listened to the judgement of those around me."What a fool to have so many children. What is to become of you now?" It was a dark and troublesome time. But it was during that time I heard the Lord whisper into my heart, "These are your GIFTS dear one. Gifts to you and Antoine. You will both have the choice to fully receive them in your own time. I gave them to you and I am all you need." It was then I realized that His ways and thoughts were higher than mine and he planned out something bigger and better than I could have ever planned myself! He was always in control and always will be! He gave me eternal beings to birth into the world and together with His help, we were to shape them into men and women who find a relationship with their Creator and the Lover of their soul!!!! I can still find myself temporarily losing sight of this during times of trouble, but at least I now have a truth to hold in my heart and refocus on!
I have come to realize the trials and burdens we face and bear (and heck yeah there are more than what I'd like) are really so temporary. They come and go as the seasons do. They each never last forever but it gets hot enough that you long for cooler weather and not long after it's too cold and you can't wait for spring! Pretty soon a cycle of seasons have passed and you look back on all the life that was lived, all the joy and almost no remembrance of the hardships.
We don't have all the answers to our future, in fact we don't really have many answers to the present! But I rest in the arms of the One who does. We are a family "Sponsored by God", just as He wants it to be! He will supply all of our needs, and he may even use you to help!
*I have included a passage from Family Driven Faith by Voddie Bauchum Jr., so if you desire to read a little further I am sure you will be challenged even more by his thoughts. But I must warn you that this may be offensive material depending on your belief. Take it or leave it as you will. Personally, I believe each family must decide on their own when to determine the closing of the childbearing chapter in their lives but in general his words are provoking to thinking highly of our callings as Mom and Dad as well as the gift of partnering with Him to celebrate and take joy bringing life into this world.*
"One passage I love to share with college students is Acts 1:6-8.
The outline of my message is simple: God has a purpose that is larger
than you—God has a plan that includes you—God has a place that
suits you. The response is usually very positive. That is, until I begin
to apply the last point.
Acts 1: 6-8 So when they met together, they asked him, "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?" He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Several months ago I was teaching this at a retreat for a church
tucked away securely in the Bible Belt. During that retreat I suggested
that for some of those college students the application of
this biblical principle might mean earning a linguistics degree
and translating the Bible into the languages of unreached people
groups. As I looked across the room at the approving wide eyes
and nodding heads, I added, “Others of you, however, may be
called to have large families and train your five or six kids in righteousness
so that they will in turn impact the world for Christ.”
You could have cut the tension with a proverbial knife. This room
full of approving, eager young men and women turned into a
convention of Martians hearing English spoken for the first time."
"The idea that motherhood, fatherhood, and family are not as
honorable as high-income careers or highly visible ministry positions
is biblically uninformed at best and grossly heretical at worst. This
attitude has been manifested in numerous ways in recent years both
inside and outside the church. In fact, it was this attitude that led me
and my wife to the most painful decision of our lives.
Bridget and I had our first baby ten months after we got married.
Our next child came along three years later. During those three years
we heard from every person in our life at the time that having our first
child so soon was a mistake (thus the three-year gap). We were also
informed that if our second child was a boy (our firstborn is a girl), we
would have “the perfect little family.”
After Bridget became pregnant with our son, the pressure was
on. Countless well-meaning people were whispering in Bridget’s
ear. Some warned, “Girl, you’d better not get stuck with a bunch
of kids.” Others tried to be more diplomatic and simply pointed
out how much the cost of college tuition had risen, or the price of
groceries. Unfortunately, the voices in our ear trumped the voice
of God. When Trey was born, we hired a doctor to speak to God
on our behalf. He took his scalpel and sutures and told God, “The
Bauchams hereby declare that they no longer trust, nor welcome you
in this area of their lives.”
Several years later my wife knelt before me with tears in her eyes
and asked me two things. First, she asked if I would forgive her for
closing her womb. Second, she asked me if it would be all right if she
got the procedure reversed. I was floored. I couldn’t hold back the
tears as I told her how wrong I was to sit back and let it happen and
how happy I would be to make it right. We went to a specialist the next week.
Unfortunately, we discovered that what the doctors had done could not be reversed.
I wanted to crawl under a rock. I wanted to go back in time and grab my
twenty-three-year-old self by the collar and say, “Don’t you dare let
this happen!” It was at that moment that we decided to extend our
family through adoption. As I write, we have one adopted child and
are on call for baby number four at any moment. We cannot go back
and undo what we did. However, we can shout from the rooftops until
all who hear us know that children are a blessing and that God opens
and closes the womb. We must receive children with joy instead of
bemoaning their birth"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I saw myself in 10 years I would have said, "I'll be a wife and a mom". Now I did NOT know I'd be a mom to 8 kids! Not one of my children have ever been planned directly by us but every one including the little one I lost, have all been a part of God's design for our life. Our family started younger than most ( I was 20, Antoine 22). Shortly after the birth of our beautiful first born Demetrious we learned there was another on the way. That precious little one had no more than a couple months of life inside me before taking up home in heaven. Of course the whole thing was a bit shocking. I knew I wanted another and apparently my body desired it faster than even my mind and the next month we conceived! That little lost baby began to shape our family without anyone realizing. What a grand fulfillment of his or her life. What power his few weeks of life had!!
5 years into our marriage and we were falling apart. In regards to our children I held onto guilt and shame and my heart listened to the judgement of those around me."What a fool to have so many children. What is to become of you now?" It was a dark and troublesome time. But it was during that time I heard the Lord whisper into my heart, "These are your GIFTS dear one. Gifts to you and Antoine. You will both have the choice to fully receive them in your own time. I gave them to you and I am all you need." It was then I realized that His ways and thoughts were higher than mine and he planned out something bigger and better than I could have ever planned myself! He was always in control and always will be! He gave me eternal beings to birth into the world and together with His help, we were to shape them into men and women who find a relationship with their Creator and the Lover of their soul!!!! I can still find myself temporarily losing sight of this during times of trouble, but at least I now have a truth to hold in my heart and refocus on!
I have come to realize the trials and burdens we face and bear (and heck yeah there are more than what I'd like) are really so temporary. They come and go as the seasons do. They each never last forever but it gets hot enough that you long for cooler weather and not long after it's too cold and you can't wait for spring! Pretty soon a cycle of seasons have passed and you look back on all the life that was lived, all the joy and almost no remembrance of the hardships.
We don't have all the answers to our future, in fact we don't really have many answers to the present! But I rest in the arms of the One who does. We are a family "Sponsored by God", just as He wants it to be! He will supply all of our needs, and he may even use you to help!
*I have included a passage from Family Driven Faith by Voddie Bauchum Jr., so if you desire to read a little further I am sure you will be challenged even more by his thoughts. But I must warn you that this may be offensive material depending on your belief. Take it or leave it as you will. Personally, I believe each family must decide on their own when to determine the closing of the childbearing chapter in their lives but in general his words are provoking to thinking highly of our callings as Mom and Dad as well as the gift of partnering with Him to celebrate and take joy bringing life into this world.*
"One passage I love to share with college students is Acts 1:6-8.
The outline of my message is simple: God has a purpose that is larger
than you—God has a plan that includes you—God has a place that
suits you. The response is usually very positive. That is, until I begin
to apply the last point.
Acts 1: 6-8 So when they met together, they asked him, "Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?" He said to them: "It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth."
Several months ago I was teaching this at a retreat for a church
tucked away securely in the Bible Belt. During that retreat I suggested
that for some of those college students the application of
this biblical principle might mean earning a linguistics degree
and translating the Bible into the languages of unreached people
groups. As I looked across the room at the approving wide eyes
and nodding heads, I added, “Others of you, however, may be
called to have large families and train your five or six kids in righteousness
so that they will in turn impact the world for Christ.”
You could have cut the tension with a proverbial knife. This room
full of approving, eager young men and women turned into a
convention of Martians hearing English spoken for the first time."
"The idea that motherhood, fatherhood, and family are not as
honorable as high-income careers or highly visible ministry positions
is biblically uninformed at best and grossly heretical at worst. This
attitude has been manifested in numerous ways in recent years both
inside and outside the church. In fact, it was this attitude that led me
and my wife to the most painful decision of our lives.
Bridget and I had our first baby ten months after we got married.
Our next child came along three years later. During those three years
we heard from every person in our life at the time that having our first
child so soon was a mistake (thus the three-year gap). We were also
informed that if our second child was a boy (our firstborn is a girl), we
would have “the perfect little family.”
After Bridget became pregnant with our son, the pressure was
on. Countless well-meaning people were whispering in Bridget’s
ear. Some warned, “Girl, you’d better not get stuck with a bunch
of kids.” Others tried to be more diplomatic and simply pointed
out how much the cost of college tuition had risen, or the price of
groceries. Unfortunately, the voices in our ear trumped the voice
of God. When Trey was born, we hired a doctor to speak to God
on our behalf. He took his scalpel and sutures and told God, “The
Bauchams hereby declare that they no longer trust, nor welcome you
in this area of their lives.”
Several years later my wife knelt before me with tears in her eyes
and asked me two things. First, she asked if I would forgive her for
closing her womb. Second, she asked me if it would be all right if she
got the procedure reversed. I was floored. I couldn’t hold back the
tears as I told her how wrong I was to sit back and let it happen and
how happy I would be to make it right. We went to a specialist the next week.
Unfortunately, we discovered that what the doctors had done could not be reversed.
I wanted to crawl under a rock. I wanted to go back in time and grab my
twenty-three-year-old self by the collar and say, “Don’t you dare let
this happen!” It was at that moment that we decided to extend our
family through adoption. As I write, we have one adopted child and
are on call for baby number four at any moment. We cannot go back
and undo what we did. However, we can shout from the rooftops until
all who hear us know that children are a blessing and that God opens
and closes the womb. We must receive children with joy instead of
bemoaning their birth"
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